rain, guilt and donkeys (Wolf)

My first deployment I brought something special with me, not my medicine bag pictures of family my ideals as a soldier, these things were of great importance but what I brought with me was a story handed to me by elders about why it rained, a story about how wolves gave up paradise to give mankind humanity. how men use the gifts they are given for both good and evil. how the great spirit cried over the lose of wolves and the souls of men, how sister sky held his tears in the clouds. I brought this with me to Iraq, when it rained I thought the great spirit cried for me and for all man kind, I knew in my heart it meant he loved us, rain gave me joy. When I went to Iraq it changed I noticed when it rained the insurgents seemed to act less. almost stop.  like the rain was just as special to them, it was as if all IED’s mortar attacks tests on our defenses all stopped on the rainy days. it was disgusting to me to think these monsters that used animals and sometimes their own children as bombs had even the slightest commonality with me. it corrupted my view of the rain and destroyed that child like wonder and faith. When I hear rain I no longer think of the wolves of their sacrifice I no longer think of the love I used to, instead I think of how nice it will be not to worry about death for however long the rain last that I can look into the sky for that brief moment and not see an attack. I think only of the fact that I wont be hurt bombed or destroyed by a cowardly unseen enemy. Then I hear a strange sound a cry a whinny little murmur and I see a shaggy white donkey that just wants her petticoat, grandma then lets out a half assed bray and says please give me my blankey, the others soon start their own little whines Raymond pretends to not want his and puts on a small unimpressive show and quickly stands still for me as I get him covered, Charlie nudges me and demands to be first ,Pippa snubs me because she wasn’t. Then there is Darlin who quickly tells me hey what about me, she stands in the rain looking so pathetic and ears all drooped and forlorn and the others blankets on are utilizing the shelter and almost teasing her with their looks 11139968_10153968776870200_3574253422253502505_n my views on rain are changing slowly now, no longer just an idea of safety for that moment instead I get lost in brays and grandma, bombs and Raymond, ideals and dreams lost and one soggy donkey named Darlin. I will never get back the ideals that I lost nor will I be able to think of the wolves and not think of the human animals I fought to the death but I will be able to take back some of it I will be able to reclaim my faith and my time dancing with donkeys in blankets suits in the rain


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